I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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