I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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