Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
