Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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