can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
