He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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