hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
