i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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