He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
