Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
