do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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