the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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