Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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