fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
