At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
