508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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