don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
