I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
