i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
