i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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