i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
