mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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