Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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