he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
