Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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