3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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