I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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