I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
