Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
