My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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