If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
are you so shy because you have an std?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
