He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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