have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
