Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
