If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
