I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
