anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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