He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
