im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
