I could make wine with my vomit
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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