I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
