It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
