Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
