i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
