party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
