I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
