I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
