i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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