Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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