What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
