I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
