Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
