The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
