i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
