I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
