This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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