dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
