She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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