Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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