Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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