remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
